Sunday, November 23

Today

Today I am going to venture out ad have a pedicure. This means I need to shave and shower and comb my hair, brush my teeth, maybe put on some makeup.

What I really want to do is sleep and dream and forget. If there was no one else, only me I would lay in my living room and do nothing but stare at the nonsense on the television as I go between wake and sleep. Unfortunatley or fortunately I am not alone and I cannot let husband and kiddo see me in such a messy state. I allow myself to sort of zone out when they are not here but I must try to behave as normal as possible when they are around.

I figure a pediscure at a place where no one really speaks english wont be so bad. I can bury my nose in a book or magazine and just wait for it to be over.

How long will this last? Mother in law wants to give me a massage at her shop to help with my pain...I would rather poke out my own eyeballs. Not because she doesn't do a good job, I just don't want anyone to touch me like that right now.

I have finally started to do things around the house, I washed dishes, clipped coupons, did laundry, even made my bed.

Improvments? I guess so....I still look at the sonogram picture and the picture of his tiny body I took when he came out....when will I stop that? When will I find peace?