Read this post if you have ever or will ever call a call center

So I've been thinking about this all day and now that this day is over and all my stuff is complete. I have eaten dinner, done the dishes, smoked a cigarette (I know I know) and given the cats their weekly dose of cat nip...comedy to be sure. I wanted to share some observations that will make your lives as well as the lives of all the call center employees you contact better.

*If you are going to call them you should be prepared to explain to them (in a reasonable fashion) what it is you are calling about. Or at least give some kind of an idea more exact then "Why do I have a balance" Asking this question will illicit most likely (not out loud though) a response such as "because you still owe us money"

*If you are ill, have allergies, a cold, anything that leads you to have a runny nose please, please, please blow your nose before the person on the other end begins talking. At the very least have a tissue handy and gently dab your nose for the 5-7 minutes you are on the phone. If at all humanly possible do not under any circumstances talk while trying to suck the snot (sorry it's a yucky word) back into your nose. Also try not to suck the snot back into your nose while the other person is trying to talk. First, it makes the call take longer because the person you are speaking with has to a) repeat what they are saying as you can't hear them over the noise b) the person you are speaking to has to ask you to repeat yourself for the same reason. Just think...if you were to simply dad at the runny nose you would be off the phone sooner and could commence your sucking at your leisure.

*If you have something you need and decide to come on the phone sounding like you are in a large hurry and have no time to speak please be prepared to say what you need to say. This is not how that should be done:
Call Center Person: Thank you for calling Mrs. West's call center how can I help you?
You: Yes this is Jane-super important to busy to speak to you person calling about account 39rjjwerij.
CCP: How are you today Jane-super important to busy to speak to you person?
You: Yeah I need some help...
CCP: (in my head...I'm fine thanks so much for asking) Okay, how can I help?
You: I um...what I need is...well I have a letter here....I need to know....
CCP: (What do you need? Are you to busy to form complete sentences?) What does the letter say?
You: (exasperated) I need to know how much is owed!!!
Most unpleasant no?! Not to mention avoidable.

*If you are calling a company that has been in business longer than you have been alive and you happen to disagree with a decision they have made please save yourself and the unfortunate soul listening to you and dispense with phrases such as "This surely won't stand up in a court of law." Trust me, if the company has been around that long someone else has challenged the legality of what you are questioning. Also, chances of them having been around as long as they have is highly unlikely if they are running a scam on you.

*You may have heard the saying "you catch more flies with honey..." well you are more likely to
get what you want if you are nice or at least decent to the person who you are talking to. a) they most likely do not make the decisions that you are unhappy about b) chances are they will not want to go the extra mile for you if you act 1)superior/condescending 2)like a cussing fool 3) as if they personally are making this decision to spite you specifically. Guess what? If you explain your situation without raised voices, the saying "you people," and/or cursing the person helping might try their best to make an exception/go the extra mile for you.

*When you call a company where you have an account/policy/loan, please have the account/policy/loan number available...even if you have their phone number memorized. Most large companies (that being a company with over 100 customers) is most likely not going to be able to find your information with your name alone, or with your ssn. (FYI: never offer your SSN over the phone unless necessary.)

*Understand that some of the questions you are being asked are not questions that the person you are speaking with necessarily wants to ask you...more likely they have to ask you. Also understand they are not working this call center job as a form of entertainment. They are not independently wealthy and work for fun, they have lives, families, bills, car payments, mortgages, insurance just like you. They are real live people.

*Unless you can detect an accent (even then I'm not sure it is appropriate) you should refrain from asking if they are in India/Mexico/Turkey/Philippines/etc.

*Unless it is a video phone call (and even then it's no bueno) you should not make comments about various ethnic groups..you never know and they may not want to help you (see above)

*Never start the phone call with "you people"

This concludes today's lesson.