Feeling Blue

So the kiddo has been gone for about four weeks now. She sounds reasonably happy each time I speak with her. She is making friends, learning to drive (a manual no less), spending time with my grandpa and our cousins, and most importantly getting her grades up and staying out of trouble. She now has no "F's!" If she keeps this up she will be able to take only one class in summer school and be caught up with other kids in her grade. She is adjusting well, making her room her own, contributing to the household chores; learning to sew with a sewing machine and making dinner one night a week. She has also been to the dentist and doctor and seen the miracle of a cow's birth.

It helps when I talk to her and she sounds like she is doing well. It makes me more confident that we made the right choice. That is not to say that I am in any way questioning the decision that we made, we prayed and meditated and I am at peace with what we have done. Unfortunately right now she is not feeling well, most likely she has a spring cold, this makes her miss me and I miss her. It is also about the time she begins to get homesick.

It hurts my heart that she is not feeling well and I cannot (physically) comfort her. I truly miss her and wish that we were not forced, by her actions, to make this choice. I am dealing with it fairly well, gardening, reading, spending a lot of much needed alone time with Husband, and really just enjoying the fact that I can experience adulthood without the worry of a child. I simply hope that she will grow up and understand that we did what was in her best interest. I honestly believe that some people (kids especially) cannot deal well when there is a lot of peer pressure, even if they know what they are doing is wrong they simply don't know what to do to stop themselves from being led astray. For whatever reason Holly found life in San Diego to be difficult and was not comfortable coming to her parents, or any other adults, with her concerns or questions.

The thing is that I lived the life I saw her heading toward and it was not pleasant. I want nothing more in life than for her to have a better life than I did. In some ways I think that is where we went wrong. As husband said we were so busy trying to give her the life we didn't have that we overlooked that really important things along the way. For that I feel awful but I cannot go back and change the past. From here forward all we can do is what will make her a better adult and keep her from a life that includes, premarital sex, drugs, ditching school, throwing it all away for a brief moment of fun.

I just really miss her tonight after talking with her and knowing she is not feeling well. Have a good night.